Rutgers Cans Unhealthy Takeout Options

It appears the days of greasy takeout are numbered at Rutgers University.

“In a makeover of its dining hall menus, Rutgers University plans to eliminate chicken nuggets, hash browns and other unhealthy foods from its takeout section and incorporate more nutritious options in the all-you-can-eat cafeterias.

By the end of the fall semester, Rutgers expects chicken wings will be baked instead of fried, hot sauce from the jar will be replaced with fresh spices, and processed meats will be traded for poached salmon or turkey roasted and smoked by university chefs, among other changes.

The food on the new menus will be more than just healthy, it will be “absolutely good,” said Ian Keith, the Rutgers chef leading the menu overhaul.

….

For Rutgers students, that means takeout chicken fingers will be replaced with grilled chicken, and hash browns will swapped out for Peruvian hash made from heirloom potatoes, spinach and roasted onions.

Instead of pork sausage, Rutgers will serve smoked chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin. A new bagel bar will feature a vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions.

Plant-based meal, such as tofu and broccoli stir fry, will become more prevalent.”

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Boiling. My blood is boiling. More bad press for good old Rutgers. You can’t take away chicken nuggets and fries from a school cafeteria, you just can’t. That’s like taking bread and milk out of a supermarket. Baked chicken wings, fine. But replacing hot sauce with “fresh spices”? I must be poorly educated (I went to Rutgers) because I’m almost 25 and never knew that hot sauce was some destructive condiment for morbid gluttons. Learn something new every day. I love when Rutgers tries to be all fancy. One of my favorite saying is as follows. You. Can’t. Shine. A. Turd. Might get that put on my headstone (that day might be here sooner than I think from all that hot sauce). Actually I had to look this up because I just don’t buy it. Here’s what I found:

“But let’s not ignore all the benefits of hot sauce because it really does do a lot of good for the body. Capsaicin, which is responsible for making chilis spicy, has been reported to decrease inflammation, relieve soreness and help fight prostate cancer.”

“Spicy peppers have amazing health benefits, but there’s a catch, of course. If spicy food is your thing, you could be eating your way to better health via your favorite condiment. A recent scientific study says hot sauce is good for you, especially if it’s paired with a little fat.”

Could be fake news but go ahead and ask me if I trust Google or Rutgers more. Damn. Tough one. I also love how the chef spearheading this says it will be “really good” Now I’m sold! Get this guy on Shark Tank with that pitch! Last time I trusted someone at Rutgers (an advisor) I ended up being a senior on the verge of not being able to graduate. The roasted turkey doesn’t sound too bad but the “chicken sausage with spinach on a whole grain English muffin” and the “vegetable cream cheese mixed at Rutgers and loaded with broccoli, squash and scallions” and “tofu and broccoli stir fry” is where I draw the line. This isn’t going to make students healthier. It’s going to leave them emaciated! There are two ways to curb hunger at Rutgers now. Drugs… and this new menu. At least it shouldn’t be too hard to fit into that formal dress now right? You want to make students healthier? How about renovating the College Ave Gym? Make it less of a sweaty shoebox and more of a, ya know, health and wellness facility? Or how about extending the hours? Maybe people want to get a lift or run in past 6pm on a Saturday before they get shitfaced? This news is tough to swallow both literally and figuratively but hey, at least you can wash it down with a coke product now =).

You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.nj.com/education/2017/03/rutgers_dining_hall_menu_chicken_nuggets_healthy_f.html

Chick Goes Crazy At Indiana Jimmy Johns

An Indiana University student was arrested yesterday after what appears to be a raucous evening at Jimmy Johns.

“Megan Hinds, 21, is charged with felony battery and misdemeanor disorderly conduct.

At about 6:30 p.m. officers responded to a call from the sandwich shop at 430 E. Kirkwood Ave. about a woman trying to steal food, Bloomington Police Department Capt. Steve Kellams said. When officers arrived employees pointed them to Hinds, who was still sitting at a table inside the restaurant and appeared intoxicated.

The employees told police Hinds had come into the store, grabbed a loaf of bread and started eating it without paying. She then started trying to take bags of chips and other items, and when employees tried to stop her, she struck several of them.

When the officers approached Hinds she told one of them she believed he was profiling her because she was white and ugly, Kellams said. The arresting officer was also white, and the backing officer was white with some Hispanic heritage, Kellams said.

Police determined Hinds was intoxicated enough to warrant calling an ambulance, Kellams said. While they waited, Hinds continued to verbally abuse the officers and eventually started striking and scratching them.”

Listen, I feel for the girl. I really do. This has happened to me once or twice or literally every single weekend I’ve left my house for a night out. She’s going to get enough shit from her friends, family, peers, entire campus, court system, etc. Who am I to sit here and add insult to injury? I actually looked up the girl on Facebook and she actually appears to be pretty normal. Has alcoholic beverages in a number of pictures so she’s probably pretty chill. The chick is blacked out at Jimmy Johns at 6:30 PM saying she’s white and ugly. Clearly there’s something wrong with her and that something is pretty self explanatory. It also seems to me that the Jimmy Johns team overreacted just a bit. These are the people that ride a bike that was made in the 70’s through fucking blizzards and thunderstorms to deliver people food and they call the cops because this drunkard is stealing bread and chips and attacking people when they confront her? This is the same Indiana University where their old basketball coach is revered for heaving a chair across the court. Shit, Bobby Knight’s whole tenure there was pretty much one big temper tantrum. Kinda soft if you ask me.

PS. I just want this girl to know that although she says she’s white and ugly there’s a certain beauty to a girl shoving Jimmy Johns down her throat blacked out, never change babe.

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You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.idsnews.com/article/2017/01/iu-student-charged-with-battery-after-jimmy-johns-incident

New Music Mondays: Four Tracks You Need To Know

Halloween was fucking lit this year and we’re all probably still in the recovery process, but whether you’re ready or not the mayhem continues on this first Monday of November with four massive new tracks by some of the best the genre has to offer. On your mark, ya better get set…

Quintino- Scorpion (Hardwell Edit)

Hardwell is featured a lot on this site and the reasoning is pretty simple, he’s really fucking good. His originals are some of the most well identified tracks of electronic music but his remixes are nothing to mess with either. This is an electro banger that does a great job of bringing elements from different sub genres and combining them into one massive track. Number 1 on DJ Mag or not, Robbert is still at the top of his game and Scorpion fully supports that statement. This one is out now on Revealed Recordings.

Jay Hardaway- Electric Elephants

A big complaint nowadays is that a lot of music is sounding the same, that there’s a lack of originality. Jay Hardaway puts that notion to rest with his newest track ‘Electric Elephants’. Signed to Spinnin Records, Jay Hardaway’s arsenal of great tracks continues to grow at a breakneck pace. Definitely an artist to watch if you haven’t been already, plus he’s in my Instagram profile picture so you know he’s legit. ‘Electric Elephants’ is out now on Spinnin Records.

Riggi & Piros- Knightlife

Speaking of young producers, Riggi & Piros (from Jersey how cool is that) are some of the hottest in the game right now. I don’t even think they’re old enough to have a beer but this duo has already been recognized by some of the biggest in the industry. They are pretty much the prodigy of Tiesto so you know they’re fucking legit. Knightlife is a powerful progressive work, available now on Musical Freedom.

Afrojack- Unstoppable (Original Mix)

This one has really grown on me recently. Afrojack knows how to bring the craziness as good as anyone and ‘Unstoppable’ surely does not disappoint in that department. The first drop is a darker, clubbier sound then builds up to something that would set a festival completely off. ‘Unstoppable’ is available now on Wall Recordings.

Lack Of Processed Meats Linked To Mental Health Illness, Study Suggests

A recent study conducted by Gratzfeed scientists revealed that an absence of processed and red meat may be linked to mental health illness. The study suggested that low levels of processed and red meat consumption can be a prime cause of irritableness, depression, anxiety and overall being a shitty, miserable person.

Scientists found that those who didn’t consume processed and red meats had lower dopamine levels than those who did, a major contributor of mental illness.

Tyler Collins, 21 year old junior at Arizona State University wasn’t shocked by the findings. “I think it definitely makes sense dude. Last night we had a social with Zeta and just got obliterated off this handle of $13 tequila I split with my boy Blake. I woke up in the bushes outside of the house and just felt like complete death bro. I made some pledge drive me and Blake to McDonalds and after two sausage McGriddles my hangover felt like way better. I don’t know what I would have done without those things man, I could have lost my mind and done something drastic to myself. Those little things saved my life”.

Collins isn’t the only one who not surprised by the findings. 29 year old Shayna Goldfarb, active JDate-r and owner of six cats says she’s been using processed and red meats as an anxiety remedy for years. “With work being so stressful, I need a little something to take the edge off. I’ve never been one for drugs and alcohol and with the gym being so far from my apartment I started a little weekend tradition of treating myself to a pepperoni pizza from Papa Johns. I just really feel like a better person with it in my life. I even give my little Ollie a piece or two of pepperoni since he’s the best behaved of the bunch! hehe =)”

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Researchers even went as far to say that low levels of these meats could be as harmful as not having a cigarette when drunk or not taking adderall before studying. Experts are pushing for increased processed and red meat educational campaigns in an effort to raise awareness about illnesses that affect millions of Americans on a daily basis.

Dude Allegedly Kills His Friend After Drunk Binge Watching ‘The Walking Dead’

A New Mexico man is being charged with murder after allegedly killing his friend after a marathon session of drinking and watching ‘The Walking Dead’.

According to KOB 4 News, 23-year-old Damon Perry was drunk and binge-watching the gory AMC hit on Thursday when he believed his friend Christopher Paguin had begun to join the ranks of the undead.

Perry attacked Paguin with fist, feet, an electric guitar and a microwave. He told police that he thought he was stopping a transformation from human to zombie, as well as a zombie apocalypse. Perry also threatened others in his complex with a knife before he was subdued by maintenance workers and officers arrived on the scene.”

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If you’re laughing, stop. My friends and I once played a drinking game for ‘American Horror Story’ our senior year at 83 Sicard where everyone had to take a shot each time the word “supreme” was said. Being over a year removed from college and suddenly all mature and shit now I can tell you that was one of the most dangerous and juvenile stunts ever pulled. Something bad could have happened that night. Nana could have bit off Akhil’s head. Borenstein could have stabbed Hammer with a handle of TC (oh wait never mind because they’re fucking plastic but you still get the point). What a fascinating choice of weapons used, guitar AND microwave, definitely the most diverse lineup of murder instruments I’ve seen in a while. This could could be the beginning of a very terrifying epidemic in America. Do you know how many crazy chicks drink a bottle of wine and watch shows about scandals and cheating boyfriends? It’s all fun and Netflix and chill memes until some poor schmuck comes home from work one day and finds his nut sack sandwiched in a hair straightener. I also don’t think this guy actually thought his boy was turning into a zombie. I think what really happened here was he was heating up a hot pocket in the microwave and bit into it before it got a chance to cool and the effects sent him off the handle into a fit of rage…unless they were also on bath salts, then the zombie transformation totally seems plausible. Also, just want to say how lame I think these shows are, never got into em and probably never will. Did I give them a fair chance and actually sit down to watch them? No, but I like my horror entertainment to feature horny leprechauns and killer dolls, but that’s just me. Remember everyone, please binge responsibly.

You can check out the full article here:

http://variety.com/2015/tv/news/the-walking-dead-murder-fan-kills-friend-1201626838/

Gratz’s Grumblings: Week 5

Well, that’s another week of NFL football in the books. Wing filled, beer soaked, fantasy obsessive, NFL football. While I have a rock hard boner for cold weathered, playoff football I get a little depressed as the number of football Sundays shrink at a Devonta Freeman like pace. Let’s check out what the fuck happened in week 5 around the NFL.

Jamal Charles tore his ACL and will be out for the season as the Chiefs suffered a deflating 1 point loss to the Bears. One of those things that just really fucking sucks. This is the second time Charles tore an ACL, this time in his right knee. Charles is currently 28 years old and everyone knows how hard it is for rushers to perform at a high level beyond that age without  a torn ACL. It may seem dramatic but it’s appropriate to wonder if Charles will ever be able to return to form and if he does, for how long? The Chiefs find themselves in a hole at 1-4 and their season may be over. Luckily, they still have a lot of talent on this team so I don’t think a severe overhaul would be necessary. Not to make excuses for them but their schedule has just been absolutely brutal, having already faced Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, and the scorching hot Bengals. They still should have been able to best the Bears with or without their star rusher and a team with their expectations should have made their other losses a lot closer. Disappointing season? Yes. Still reasonable to expect them to be successful in the near future? Not so much.

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Speaking of the scorching hot Bengals, they were about to be doused with a bucket of ice cold water, until they weren’t. They trailed Hawks 24-7 in the fourth quarter and rallied all the way back to give Mike Nugent the chance to clank one off the upright and get the W. It’s a big time win for the cats but an even bigger loss for the Seahawks. How did that happen? That’s just so crushing after an energizing, Kam Chancellor returning victory last week. At 2-3 they really cost themselves the luxury of future flukey fuck ups. However, they are a defense oriented team and if they can crack the postseason they will still be a threat to make it pretty damn far. Again, that’s if they can crack the postseason.

There is no excuse for the Ravens losing to the Browns. None. Even without Steve Smith Baltimore should have been able to win this game by at least a touchdown. Instead they’re 1-4 and in last place in the AFC North. Josh McCown had a historic 457 yard passing day. JOSH McCOWN. JOSH FUCKING McCOWN. I have no idea what’s wrong with the Ravens but honestly I don’t hate it. Saves us all the breath we’d waste debating Joe Flacco’s elite status, no matter what side you’re on.

The Patriots won. In other news Chick Fil A is scrumptious and Chris Christie is fat.

The Eagles. Chip Kelly is a bum! Chip Kelly is a genius! Fire Chip Kelly! Eagles are winning the NFC East! Honestly, nobody knows what the fuck the Eagles are about still and anybody who makes a prediction about their season is just wasting their time. The Eagles had a very nice win against the Saints but simply put the Saints suck. That’s no reason to be down or knock them, quite the opposite. Their defense is improving and can force turnovers. They almost hit 200 yards rushing in balanced attack amongst their three talented runners. Josh Huff FINALLY got into the action and caught his first NFL touchdown as he led the team in receiving. Sam Bradford has to get better, he threw two ugly red zone interceptions and those mistakes aren’t going to be as easy to recover from against better teams. Because the Eagles won by 22 points nobody seemed to care about how Caleb Sturgis ineptitude as a kicker as he missed another extra point. That kid better figure it out and fucking fast. With this team it’s a better idea to just take it week to week instead of calculating complex scenarios, just enjoy the ride and hope it doesn’t fall off the fucking tracks.

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The Broncos are scaring everyone but I’m still not too concerned. Peyton Manning hasn’t lit it up like he used to but people aren’t realizing how good their defense is playing. They create turnovers, get to the quarterback and a better defense might be even more valuable than a prolific offense come playoff time. Peyton Manning stlll isn’t bad either and they still have talented receivers. They seem to be getting a lot of flack for a team who is undefeated, with more time to figure out this offense they can be a dangerous team if they can put it all together.

The 5 Best Frozen Pizzas Presented By Gratzfood

Despite what some people think, living at home isn’t the most glamorous lifestyle a 23 year old can live. Seriously, it’s not all tits and glitz. Did you know that 68.4% of all jerk off sessions are interrupted by a parent needing help with something (like switching the input on a fucking television set)? Or, did you know that 83% of all parent-son conversation is about the offspring’s lack of employment, lack of worth, or lack of realized potential? While these inherent detriments contribute to less than optimal living conditions (living in a disease infested shit hole with 19 other degenerates in the slums of New Brunswick was SO much better) there are some positives such as free (for you) food from a grocery store, tasty treats that you haven’t had in years because you were too busy stuffing your face with overpriced college town food from a place that either failed inspection or was a front for drug operations. This dark period in my life has re exposed me to some of life’s simplest pleasures, frozen pizza being one of them. Frozen pizza, while not having the freshest ingredients, or taste comparable to real pizza, has a certain charm to it that makes it acceptable and even desirable at certain points in one’s life. Nostalgia alone can make one yearn for a frozen brick that turns into edible goodness ofter only 12 minutes of sitting in a 425 degree oven. Without further adieu here are the 5 best frozen pizzas.

1.Tombstone

The holy mecca of frozen pizza. The real man’s choice for true processed bliss. This is the frozen pizza eaters go to when “balling out”. First, it’s the actual shape of a real pizza which is great for when you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re too poor or too lazy to go out and get real pizza. What makes Tombstone so dope? Well first, it doesn’t pretend to be some gourmet, fancy schmancy pizza that is comparable to delivery… it’s named after something you fucking see at cemeteries filled with dead bodies, totally badass. Second, it just tastes really good. Did you know that the sauce for these bad boys was the same sauce given to you for Lunchables pizza? That’s quality right there. The real amazing part about Tombstone is eating one as a kid for the first time, that magical realization that you can get great tasting pizza that even looks real whenever you want right from the comfort of your own home. The other plus for Tombstone was its sheer size compared to other frozen pizzas. Tombstones size, taste, and badassness make it an easy choice for the top overall spot.

2. Ellios

1 brick. 3 slices. Boom. Classic. This was the ultimate after school snack when you were alone just kicking it. Whether you were playing Starfox 64 or watching Hey Arnold!, this was the treat you needed after a long, grueling day of elementary school. If you were able to get the edges nice and crispy you were a made fucking man. Real recognize real and any real gangsta will tell you just how delicious a well made Ellios pizza was or is.

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3. Lunchables

Wait, Gratz this list says frozen pizza and Lunchables aren’t technically frozen so what gives? Well, simply put this is my fucking list and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, plus this is pretty much the same thing as frozen right? Anyways, where to begin with good old lunchables? Lunchables were truly ahead of their time. Before the era of Ipads and smart watches Lunchables pioneered the now ever so pervasive culture of always being on the go. Want pizza for lunch and don’t have a whip or money (because you’re in like 4th fucking grade) or even a working oven? No fear, lunchables have you covered, simply brilliant. Having access to handcrafted pizza whenever you need is a real game changer for American youth. The most remarkable part about Lunchables isn’t the taste, or the size (obviously) however, it’s their ability to effectively teach youngsters how to responsibly ration their resources. There’s three pieces of dough and only one pack of sauce and one serving of cheese, which serves as an extremely valuable lesson of appropriate allocation. I’m 100% confident that students who were able to appropriately save and spend their income learned the fundamentals from eating Lunchables pizza. Sometimes you’d go crazy and load all the sauce and cheese on one crust making for one orgasmic pizza which leaves the other crusts empty and useless, or you might go light on the first two and find yourself with a big time reward as you indulge on your hearty third piece. Whatever the case may be, Lunchables are iconic not only as a processed pizza option, but a educational tool for young children too.

4. Pizza Bagels

The quintessential bro food. Some may argue that pizza bagels should be higher on the list but as you can see the competition is fierce. Pizza Bagels were for when you went over your boys house after school and played Madden ’07 non stop, running around with Mike Vick, the glory days. What pizza bagels have that few others can offer is their high level of crunchiness. Plus I’m from Cherry Hill so anytime a mother saw a combination of pizza and bagel it was undoubtedly going in the shopping cart.

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5. Hot Pockets

Hot Pockets are the lowest common denominator of frozen pizza and I fucking love it. Microwaved eats in just 2 minutes that you can buy in a bulk for like 27 cents a piece. Hot pockets are no question tasty but their false advertising really grinds my gears. They shouldn’t be called “hot” pockets, they should be called FUCKING BLISTERING, UNEATABLE UNLESS YOU WAIT A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF TIME BUT WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART pockets. Seriously if you’re not careful with these puppies they will go ’04 Usher and burn your ass. While Lunchables teach you proper allocation of resources, Hot Pockets teach you one of the hardest things a person can learn, patience. “Just because your pizza is done in 2 minutes doesn’t mean it’s ready to eat”.- Gratz 2015

Have You Seen The Uconn Dude Who Loses His Shit Over Bacon Jalapeno Mac And Cheese Yet?

OK, this one is a doozy. A Uconn student walks into the student center visibly fucked up (probably on more than just alcohol, oh those crazy college kids) and gets denied service because well, he’s belligerent and that’s like not ok in public or something. Instead of obeying the worker that denied him he did what every drunk person would do and refused to leave, however this kid took it to the Nth degree and that’s when shit got out of control. He berated the worker, insulting him about his job, even physically assaulting the dude too. Other workers came for backup and tried to handle the situation but it got so bad that eventually the cops showed up and the kid ended up being thrown on the ground like a rag doll and then arrested in a grade A display of public embarrassment. You can check out the video right here:

Now I’m not going to further lambast the kid for his actions, I think the video alone says everything that needs to be said about this kid and his bacon jalapeno mac and cheese/ substance issues. The thing that really stuck out to me was how fucking soft the Uconn student body was throughout this whole ordeal. This shit show went on for a whole 9 minutes and all anyone did (besides the workers of course) was just stand there and watch it all go down. Now, I can’t really speak for other schools but let me tell you this is not how shit would have went down at Rutgers. Alissa Munoz would have told this kid to shut the fucking fuck up and then proceed to ridicule the kid for not even demanding foodie quality bacon jalapeno mac and cheese bites in the first place. Briana Addone might have right hooked this kid (if she didn’t have previous plans at 1 am). Nana would have delivered this kid such an african beating that they would have given the poor schmuck 18 credits for a semester abroad. And the workers? Well the employees here weren’t exactly pussies but if this happened at Jimmy’s Pizza on Easton Jimmy would have taken whatever bottle the kid had on him and smashed it over his skull while delivering his signature line in Johnny Drama fashion, “go fuck your mother”. I’ll give Uconn a pass just this one time because I was really impressed with how demonstrative they were during their NCAA championship riots so I know they have it in them, just gotta step their shit up in the future.

The Fog Vs Chus & Ceballos- Been A Long Time (Mark Knight Remix)

Mark Knight just gets it. The house legend and founder of Toolroom Records rarely puts out a track that doesn’t make you feel like pure sex. His newest one, a remix of The Fog and fellow genre heavyweights Chus & Ceballos keeps the trend going with another stellar outing. Like most of Knight’s work, this one is a groovy toe tapper featuring a catchy melody and soulful vocals that can really set the tone for a night out. ‘Been A Long Time’ is out now.