I’m A Little Disappointed By The New Food Offerings At Citizen’s Bank Park

The Phillies have officially announced their additions to the almighty food department down at the ballpark this year. Gratzfeed is a little underwhelmed.

Via CSN Philly:

“The first one that jumps out is a new hoagie offering from the very reliable Primo Hoagies, which will be located in Ashburn Alley. Primo Hoagies will offer a variety of hot and cold sandwiches on their fresh baked breads.

While Chickie’s and Pete’s crab fries are often the most coveted item at Philly sporting events, it will have some competition in the French fry department this season. South Philly Shareable Stak will be located behind section 120 and offer boardwalk style fries with the option of topping them with in-house roast pork, sharp provolone cheese sauce, cherry pepper aioli or chopped roasted long hots.

One of the more interesting additions is The Mac Shack behind section 122, which will offer house-made mac and cheese with a number of different toppings. Pretty much everyone loves some mac and cheese but I’m curious to see how that translates to a ballpark snack.

Veggie lovers will surely be excited to try the Farmer’s Market Grain Bowl that features toasted red quinoa, brown rice, sweet peppers, cucumbers, radish, baby herbs, and is finished with honey-balsamic vinaigrette. Also new this year is a Falafel Sandwich.

There will also be some new kiosks at Zoom Foods behind section 126, which is described as “the next step in the evolution of stadium food & beverage service, featuring customer-facing, self-ordering kiosks — improving guest experience and speed of transaction time.”

Other existing vendors with new offerings include pulled chicken option from Bull’s BBQ, new signature Hatfield hot dogs including pork roll as a dog topper, as well as new options at Harry the K’s.”

180048484

Look the Phillies are most likely going to be a middling .500 team this season. If I’m going to the ballpark this year food is going to be a major reason why. I will gladly miss three innings of baseball to get my hands on some Chickie’s and Pete’s crab fries. Primo Hoagies are great but they have become so prevalent in the tristate area that their hoagies are not going to be the reason I overpay for food at a Phillies game. I eat Primo like I drink water or breathe oxygen. The Shareable Shak fries sound pretty good but as I alluded to earlier crab fries will always be king. With that said roast pork topped fries are going to have to be consumed at some point so I’d say this is one of the more exciting options being added. Homemade mac and cheese sounds pretty appealing too but I don’t know how I feel about sitting in the hot sun while dripping sweat eating some gooey mac and cheese creation. Then there’s the “Farmer’s Market Grain Bowl”. Pass. Hard pass. Donovan McNabb throwing a laser into the ground type pass. Toasted red quinoa? Brown rice? We’re talking about ballpark food right? And then there’s the falafel sandwich. Another pass. I appreciate the effort to add some diversity so I won’t hate too much on that one but….

Where is the crazy heart attack inducing menacing scary stuff?? Ok the fries with pork and cheese sauce are cool. Everyone likes mac and cheese. But where are the sextuple burgers with smoked brisket and bacon with donuts as rolls? Where are the 4 foot hot dogs wrapped in chicken fingers? I read an article highlighting all of the barbaric new foods around the league and the Phillies add Primo and quinoa? The Royals are out there showing off their Pulled Pork Patty melt complete with pulled pork, fried onion, shredded cheddar, Monterey jack, BACON and jalapenos and the Phillies are excited to announce a grain bowl?!?!?!?!?! I want the stuff that gets you so messed up that by the second inning you don’t know who’s playing or how to even stand up. Last time I checked the Phillies ballpark is in South Philly, not Fishtown. I mean everyone knows the best time to go to a Phillies game is for dollar dog night where you grossly indulge in dollar hot dogs but the Phillies don’t have nearly as many as they should. Luckily the Phillies have an already solid pre-existing menu around the park so this isn’t the end of the world. At the end of the day you can never go wrong with the simple baseball fare such as hot dogs and ice cream in a helmet. Just a heads up that there is some work to do for 2018. Both on and off the field.

 

You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.csnphilly.com/the700level/new-cbp-primo-hoagies-loaded-boardwalk-fries-star-trek-bobbleheads-and-more

You Have To Love This South Jersey Dude Who Went To Jail For Drunkenly Crashing His Golf Cart Trying To Run Over A Rooster

There are some savages in South Jersey. Trust me. I would know. But Daniel Jones has just set the bar pretty darn high with his antics in Key West, Florida (another severely messed up state). I’m not even going to summarize, instead I’m just going to copy and paste pretty much the entire original article because it’s just too funny as is.

“The 34-year-old South Jersey man spent a night in a Key West, Fla., jail last week after he drunkenly crashed a golf cart trying to run over a rooster, according to The Florida Keys newspaper.

The Cinnaminson resident was reportedly seen around 6 p.m. last Friday driving the cart erratically through the white-house-lined streets of Bahama Village in pursuit of the red-headed cockerel.

“He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster,” Key West resident Vincent Vurro, who saw the whole thing unfold, told the newspaper.

As Jones swerved toward the bird, the cart rolled over, throwing the driver and two passengers onto the street, the newspaper reported. A female passenger suffered chipped teeth and skinned knees.

The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.

Jones was taken into custody, and reportedly fell asleep in the police cruiser on the way to the local jail.

After repeatedly sticking his fingers and shirt in his mouth, the newspaper reported, Jones allegedly scored a blood-alcohol content of 0.25, which is more than three times the legal limit in Key West.

He was jailed on suspicion of driving under the influence, and was released on his own recognizance the next day.

Efforts to reach him Wednesday were unsuccessful.”

Roosters-Southpark-1.jpg

Although this report is only a few paragraphs long, it feels like a Pulitzer Prize winning novel. So much to examine and break down. Where do I begin? “He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster”. First off, not sure if the driver would even know what adamant means. Second, you can’t not appreciate the drivers sheer tenacity and will. He was going to run over and splatter that rooster’s guts if it was the last thing he did. Except he didn’t. Also love the part about the two passengers flying out into the street too, with one of them chipping their teeth and messing up their knees. Wonder what they were thinking during that whole ordeal. Must have thought they were in a real life game of Crazy Taxi or Simpsons Road Rage (very underrated video game by the way). Were they in on this goose, er, rooster chase too? Then there’s the ultimate shot to the heart. The cold blooded sentence that really stings and shatters you. “The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.” Damn. I can just imagine that smug fucking rooster looking at these bozos from the sidewalk, sucking their souls with just his stare. Like Kevin McCallister grinning at The Wet Bandits immediately after ruining their lives. Was this the most cunning, elusive rooster ever or was this golf cart carrying the world’s saddest and most pathetic human beings on earth? I guess unless we get some video footage we may never know. I could go on and on with this one but I simply don’t have the mental capacity to dive even deeper. I guess not everyone from South Jersey was born a rocket scientist…

There’s A Wawa Competitor Coming To South Jersey And I’m Not Gonna Lie I’m A Little Nervous

Where I come from there may not be a more iconic establishment in the food and service industry than Wawa. Whether you’re grabbing a sandwich on the way to the shore or you need a blue gatorade because you’re hungover trash, Wawa is as classic a staple in the Tri-state area as watching the Eagles lose on Sundays. I have recently been alerted by a friend that a Wawa competitor is coming to South Jersey soon which naturally made me do a little digging.

Initial reaction? This might test some people’s loyalty but let’s be honest nothing’s going to dethrone Wawa ’round these parts, although my father did stave off his Wawa coffee addiction and now prefers Starbucks so I guess anything’s possible. SO, Royal Farms is the new guy in town causing all this ruckus. Royal Farms? Doesn’t sound intimidating at all right? Then I read one sentence that completely changed my outlook on this place and now I’m nervous as all get out.

“Maryland-based Royal Farms, best known for its fried chicken, has started construction on its first New Jersey location, in Magnolia, Camden County.”

meals.jpg

If there’s one thing in this world that will test my allegiance to something it’s fried chicken. It’s like Kryptonite. If there’s a place where I can fill my tank, get cigs, a chaser and some fried chicken all at once than dammit that sounds like a haven for scummy scums like myself. I did some more digging and it basically sounds exactly like a Wawa with gas and made to order sandwiches so there really isn’t a lot separating it from old reliable. I may be a scum but a traitor is something I’m not, that’s why I’m calling for a complete boycott of Royal Farms from the get go. You can’t get addicted to their fried chicken if you never try it. It’s like my friends who keep kosher who never had bacon before, they might seem delusional to me but to them ignorance is bliss. Same deal here except I’m down to be the ignorant one, it’s the only option. Ballsy move coming in here and competing in 2017 all unprovoked. Let’s see if it pans out. I will do my part to make sure it doesn’t. Oh, and you may be thinking well this is only in South Jersey it doesn’t affect me. Wrong. If you don’t nip these things in the bud they gain momentum. They gain momentum and they spread. It’s like a disease. Wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened in America.

You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/real-time/Wawa-is-about-to-get-some-serious-competition-in-South-Jersey.html

AI Once Lost To Nelly At Horse Drunk, Loves Fridays

Just came across a gem of an article from the fine folks over at CSN Philly. Basically confirms what everyone already knows which is that Allen Iverson was and always will be the biggest G to ever play the game of basketball. In an interview with AI he reveals two things: that he once lost to Nelly at horse while he was trashed, and that he is a big fan of TGI Fridays establishments. Check out the interview

“Have a lot of rappers over your career tried to come at you on the basketball court?

Not one-on-one. Me and Nelly played H.O.R.S.E. He’s a friend of mine. I remember one night we went to Jermaine Dupri’s studio and I had been drinking before I got there. We went into the gym and he beat my ass. Then he went on 106 and Park and bragged about it. So the next time we played, I made sure that I came prepared. I hadn’t drunk anything and beat his ass. And during that game he was saying, “You need to get him a couple drinks.” I told him, “Nah. Not today. You ain’t going to brag on this one.”

We all know he loves Fridays by now, but his explanation of it is still quite fun.

What is it about that place?

Just that it’s not too uppity. It’s not bougie. It’s a down to Earth restaurant. I like doing things like that. Unless I’m like taking my girl out. I’ll take her to the real expensive, you know, exotic restaurants. Other than that, when I’m hanging with my friends, we just like to go to a spot where we can chill out. And we like the food there, so it’s always been love at Friday’s.

I heard the locals called it Club Fridays whenever you were there.

Yeah. I’ll always be attached to it because I remember a lot of the people in Philadelphia were real when they were greeting me at Friday’s. They always made sure I was comfortable. By me going there, it ended up being the No. 4 Friday’s in the country. So, I did a lot for them too.”

iverson-hair-allen

Fucking. Legend. Gotta love AI, all you hear about nowadays are stories about Kobe and his insanely insane work ethic and everything of the like. “Kobe comes to practice 3 hours early.” “Kobe plays 1 on 1 games to 100.” “Kobe once tried to fight a teammate that beat him in practice”. Cool story bro, live a little. Sure Kobe has 5 rings and AI has 0 but there’s some things you just can’t put a price on and playing horse with the guy who made ‘Country Grammar” is one of them. See what AI did when he lost? He didn’t try to give Nelly band aid number two or anything like that, just basically gave the excuse that he was wasted and waxed his ass the next time. Classic.

Adding to him being probably the coolest athlete ever, the Friday’s bit is simply amazing. Doesn’t need the over priced, a la carte everything places that people only go to for the insta pics. Give this guy a good drink special and some loaded potato skins and he’s happier than a pig in mud. CLUB FRIDAYS sounds like a lame high school nickname that six dudes who haven’t gotten a blowjob yet go to on Friday nights (no pun intended), but of course AI makes it sound baller as shit. Got it up to the number 4 Friday’s in the country too, flat out impressive. Lebron, Melo, Wade and CP3 go on lavish vacations in the offseason with their wives. AI made it rain at a Philly Friday’s. They just don’t make em like they used to, that’s for damn sure.

Check out the full article right here:

http://www.csnphilly.com/blog/700-level/iverson-once-drunkenly-lost-horse-nelly-0