I’m A Little Disappointed By The New Food Offerings At Citizen’s Bank Park

The Phillies have officially announced their additions to the almighty food department down at the ballpark this year. Gratzfeed is a little underwhelmed.

Via CSN Philly:

“The first one that jumps out is a new hoagie offering from the very reliable Primo Hoagies, which will be located in Ashburn Alley. Primo Hoagies will offer a variety of hot and cold sandwiches on their fresh baked breads.

While Chickie’s and Pete’s crab fries are often the most coveted item at Philly sporting events, it will have some competition in the French fry department this season. South Philly Shareable Stak will be located behind section 120 and offer boardwalk style fries with the option of topping them with in-house roast pork, sharp provolone cheese sauce, cherry pepper aioli or chopped roasted long hots.

One of the more interesting additions is The Mac Shack behind section 122, which will offer house-made mac and cheese with a number of different toppings. Pretty much everyone loves some mac and cheese but I’m curious to see how that translates to a ballpark snack.

Veggie lovers will surely be excited to try the Farmer’s Market Grain Bowl that features toasted red quinoa, brown rice, sweet peppers, cucumbers, radish, baby herbs, and is finished with honey-balsamic vinaigrette. Also new this year is a Falafel Sandwich.

There will also be some new kiosks at Zoom Foods behind section 126, which is described as “the next step in the evolution of stadium food & beverage service, featuring customer-facing, self-ordering kiosks — improving guest experience and speed of transaction time.”

Other existing vendors with new offerings include pulled chicken option from Bull’s BBQ, new signature Hatfield hot dogs including pork roll as a dog topper, as well as new options at Harry the K’s.”

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Look the Phillies are most likely going to be a middling .500 team this season. If I’m going to the ballpark this year food is going to be a major reason why. I will gladly miss three innings of baseball to get my hands on some Chickie’s and Pete’s crab fries. Primo Hoagies are great but they have become so prevalent in the tristate area that their hoagies are not going to be the reason I overpay for food at a Phillies game. I eat Primo like I drink water or breathe oxygen. The Shareable Shak fries sound pretty good but as I alluded to earlier crab fries will always be king. With that said roast pork topped fries are going to have to be consumed at some point so I’d say this is one of the more exciting options being added. Homemade mac and cheese sounds pretty appealing too but I don’t know how I feel about sitting in the hot sun while dripping sweat eating some gooey mac and cheese creation. Then there’s the “Farmer’s Market Grain Bowl”. Pass. Hard pass. Donovan McNabb throwing a laser into the ground type pass. Toasted red quinoa? Brown rice? We’re talking about ballpark food right? And then there’s the falafel sandwich. Another pass. I appreciate the effort to add some diversity so I won’t hate too much on that one but….

Where is the crazy heart attack inducing menacing scary stuff?? Ok the fries with pork and cheese sauce are cool. Everyone likes mac and cheese. But where are the sextuple burgers with smoked brisket and bacon with donuts as rolls? Where are the 4 foot hot dogs wrapped in chicken fingers? I read an article highlighting all of the barbaric new foods around the league and the Phillies add Primo and quinoa? The Royals are out there showing off their Pulled Pork Patty melt complete with pulled pork, fried onion, shredded cheddar, Monterey jack, BACON and jalapenos and the Phillies are excited to announce a grain bowl?!?!?!?!?! I want the stuff that gets you so messed up that by the second inning you don’t know who’s playing or how to even stand up. Last time I checked the Phillies ballpark is in South Philly, not Fishtown. I mean everyone knows the best time to go to a Phillies game is for dollar dog night where you grossly indulge in dollar hot dogs but the Phillies don’t have nearly as many as they should. Luckily the Phillies have an already solid pre-existing menu around the park so this isn’t the end of the world. At the end of the day you can never go wrong with the simple baseball fare such as hot dogs and ice cream in a helmet. Just a heads up that there is some work to do for 2018. Both on and off the field.

 

You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.csnphilly.com/the700level/new-cbp-primo-hoagies-loaded-boardwalk-fries-star-trek-bobbleheads-and-more

Watching This Old Dude Put On A Poncho Will Make Your Skin Crawl

Ok so pretty self explanatory stuff here, old guy’s at a baseball game, starts to rain legit cats and dogs, dude tries to put on a poncho, where he then goes through some serious, serious shit.

Warning: The following video is deeply disturbing and excruciating to watch. Viewer discretion is advised.

Yo, I feel SO bad for this guy, know exactly what this poor schmuck is going through. Literally every time I’m out blazed in public I have a fear that someone is going to catch me on video during one of my constant life struggles. Have you’ve ever tried to operate one of those giant touch screen coke machines 2 dabs deep? I can’t ya know, see myself, but I imagine I look something like Rain Man trying to shoot a three pointer. If you laughed or enjoyed this video at all, you need to have a full on psychiatric evaluation, complete with those ink blots and shits. Nobody deserves this, nobody. Surprised this wasn’t a Phillies fan though, that would have made a lot more sense.