Gratzfood Review: Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chips/Chickstar

I love Taco Bell’s promotions. They’ll take anything and put a Mexican spin on it. Mexican pizza. Doritos locos tacos. Now it’s “naked chicken chips” or as any regular American would say, “chicken nuggets”. They come in counts of 6 and 12, $2.39 and $4.49 respectively. They also come with a side of nacho cheese to dip into (which I guess justifies them being called chips). I’m not going to make this long. They’re chicken nuggets. I liked them. They’re actually better than Wendy’s and Burger King’s (shouldn’t be too hard). I feel like they’re a little bigger than a regular chicken nugget but still $2 for 6 of them felt steep. You can get a loaded griller or a little burrito for less than two bucks which I think is the better deal. They’re processed chicken nuggets, nothing you haven’t had before but I did enjoy them. The cheese is an interesting side and your enjoyment of that will ultimately come down to if you like Taco Bell’s nacho cheese or not. I think the chips are a good compliment if you’re getting something else. For example a crunch wrap supreme might not be enough but a side of naked chicken chips would obviously be more filling and you get some variety. Ironically, they don’t have a spicy option. I think that’s something they’ll eventually roll out and those might be even better.

unnamed-1.jpg

I think the better option is this new thingamajig they got called the “chickstar”. It’s essentially a little folded wrap (think crunch wrap without the hard shell) with breaded chicken inside but it comes with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and avocado ranch sauce. I think at $3.39 this is a better play than just the standard nuggets, er, naked chicken chips. When I say there’s breaded chicken inside, they literally take like four of the chicken chips and put them in. We’re not reinventing the wheel here. The extra stuff inside makes it a little more filling but it’s still kind of a snack sized thing. I really love their avocado ranch sauce and thought this chickstar was pretty bangin’ overall. Well, that’s a wrap. Taco Bell rocks. Chicken nuggets are tight. Get the chickstar. Peace.

unnamed-2.jpg

Look at all that goodness stuffed into that wrap baby. 

Gratzfood Review: Chick’n Shack Sandwich

I get really defensive when it comes to chicken sandwiches. As you probably know, I am a vocal and devout supporter of a certain Atlanta based fast food chicken chain and am undoubtedly biased towards their food. I must be honest I was a little hurt when I initially saw Shake Shack was adding a chicken sandwich to their menu. I viewed it almost as a direct attack at my beloved favorite. But as a chicken sandwich enthusiast I had to at least try it, had to see what the competition was bringing to the table. After hitting the NFL Draft in Philly my friends and I were looking for a place to eat and when someone mentioned Shake Shack there was more fanfare than the actual draft itself. Here was a golden opportunity to finally try the chick’n shack sandwich and once and for all satisfy my curiosity.

Simply put it was really good. Very crispy breast of chicken. I really enjoyed all the toppings (lettuce, pickles, buttermilk herb mayo). The herb mayo was zesty and a welcome addition as it provided just the right amount of flavor without detracting from the chicken itself. One minor complaint was the chicken breast wasn’t evenly proportioned, one bite might have been all breading while the next was all meat. Inconsistent. I think this sandwich can coexist with others because it’s just different than the competition. Different vibe. At $6.49, it’s more expensive than a normal fast food chicken sandwich. Add $2.50 for a fountain soda and another $2.99 for fries and you’re looking at a $12 meal compared to something maybe a little smaller at $7.50. This is the perfect chicken sandwich option if you have a hankering on a Sunday. Look, there’s no denying Shake Shack has pretty damn good food. This sandwich, while maybe a little expensive, doesn’t really feel like a ripoff although I can probably eat two if I forgo fries. If you’re at Shake Shack, this is certainly a viable option and I would recommend it if you’re a fan of chicken sandwiches. Not the biggest, not too small, but just about fair and the taste surpassed my expectations. This is a welcome addition to the chicken sandwich game and a legitimate option for the fast casual realm. unnamed.jpg

Gratzfood Review: Grand Mac

It’s probably not up for debate that there isn’t a more iconic fast food menu in item in America than the Big Mac. So when Mcdonald’s announced that they were introducing the ‘Grand Mac’, an even bigger version of the classic, Gratzfeed was promptly on the scene to investigate. Here we go.

What it’s called: Grand Mac

Cost: $7.39 for the meal (probably around $5.19/$5.39 for just the sandwich but it varies by market)

What is it exactly?: Literally the same thing as a regular Big Mac but bigger. If you don’t know what’s in a Big Mac by now that’s sad, but you can refer to this:

Verdict: It’s a bigger Big Mac. That’s it. I don’t know what I was expecting because it was never really advertised as something different but it’s literally just a bigger Big Mac. Having said that, Big Mac’s are awesome so naturally it was delicious. A lot of reviews I saw before trying it were raving about it but I don’t know if that’s warranted. Yes, it is delicious. But at the end of the day it’s just a bigger Big Mac and we already know how good they are. So how much bigger are we talking? Well, the patties and bun are essentially the same size, just in larger diameter. If the patties are thicker, it’s not entirely noticeable. I thought maybe we would be talking quarter pounder status or something since there was all this hoopla surrounding it but that’s not the case. I’ll put it to you this way, I was definitely full from my meal, but that was because I ate a medium fry too and had a drink. It’s very filling but it’s not some colossal type of monster where you should get your picture on the wall if you finish. I guess I’m also torn because I always like to think of a normal Big Mac as a satisfying sandwich, or at least it should be, but since I finished the Grand Mac without incident I’m thinking where was this before? It’s kinda like when McDonald’s started advertising their nuggets as “made with real white meat”. Yeah, I’m down for real meat but what exactly was going on before? For $7.98, I was full. I’m not complaining, nothing hits the spot like a Big Mac when you’re in the mood. It’s definitely a solid value as far as fast food goes, you will be satisfied. Just don’t go in expecting some behemoth that knocks you into next week.

Side musing: McDonald’s, for the sake of your own business please overhaul the criteria for your employees and overall standard for your restaurants. It’s no secret the fast food giant has struggled recently and everyone knows a lot of it has to do with the sudden fast casual boom. It’s pretty evident that you’re trying to compete with said fast casual restaurants so if that’s the case then step your shit up. Listen, I love ratchet, I think it’s funny and I love seeing people from all walks of life but if you think you’re going to attract the business of some Kale eating millennial named Austin just because the front page of your website says you’re committed to “sustainably sourced coffee” you’re sadly mistaken. Like I said, I don’t give a shit. But other people might be turned off when you get up to the counter and they say “U ready?” instead of “Next, how may I help you?”. As long as my food tastes good I don’t give a turd. I don’t give a fuck if the employees are arguing behind the counter and cursing because, as you can see, I curse too. I appreciate the fact that McDonald’s employs a diverse crowd and gives opportunities and I’m not expecting anyone there to be a former brain surgeon but when I hear words like “artisan” and “activity wristbands” on TV and then go into the place and get WWE Raw, it throws me for a loop. Or, ditch the wannabe healthy schtick and give the people more Grand Macs and crazy shit and just embrace the fact that you serve guilty pleasures. Nobody criticizes Popeyes for selling unhealthy food because they know it, they own it and they don’t try to be anything they’re not. Feel me?

Piggybacking off that: I can’t stress enough that not all McDonald’s are created equally. Some are so good and fresh and some don’t know when to take the fries out of the fryer. Some are clean and at some every single table is dirty. Consistency is key. When I go into Chick Fil A I know I’m getting (pretty much) the same chicken sandwich, smile, and “my pleasure” every single time. Specifically, the McDonald’s on Easton Avenue in New Brunswick might be the worst one of them all. Orders are wrong all the time, long waits, you name it. The lady there once got into a heated argument with my buddy Leo Bronshteyn when he received a 10 piece nugget instead of the 20 piece he ordered. She insisted he ordered the 10 piece. THE 10 PIECE WAS $4.69 AND THE 20 PIECE IS AN EVERYDAY VALUE OF $5 I COULD BE BLACKED OUT ON BATH SALTS AND ABSINTHE AND I WOULDN’T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ORDERING 10. If you go into a new McDonald’s, it’s ultimately a toss up.

Last thing: Apparently only 1 in 5 millennials have had a Big Mac…sad! No but seriously, try a fucking Big Mac. I was a late bloomer to them too but c’mon if you can vote and rant about American politics then at least be a real American and try a damn Big Mac. #notmymillennials

unnamed-3

unnamed-4

It’s still hard for a picture to give it justice, but you can see the Grand Mac is bigger than the classic Big Mac

unnamed-5

Don’t know why the cheese is danglin’ over like that all unmelted but there it is

unnamed-6

Bang bang there’s your Grand Mac, classic delicious taste, just a bit bigger

Gratzfood Presents: 5 “Restaurants” You Probably Haven’t Been To In A Minute

I love food. Obviously, I mean if you read this blog you already know how the Gratzfeed brand is an advocate for pretty much all of the most harmful food and food companies in existence. So today I had Qdoba for lunch, solid as always but I eat it all the time because its right down the street from where I work. When it was time for dinner, I sat in my car for a solid 15-20 minutes contemplating just how I wanted to eat away my sorrows to cap off the day (finally decided on chicken bacon ranch quesdaillas from Chilis, AMAZINGG) and during my decision process I started to think about places I haven’t had in a while which started to bring back some memories. It’s kinda like South Park and the member berries (remember blockbuster?!) and I instantly started to think about some of the truly great establishments that are often overlooked or buried in the annals of history. Let’s take a few minutes to think back and show some appreciation for some of the all time greats, shall we?

  1. Friendly’s

Friendly’s still exist but its one of those places where it’s either not really accessible or you just don’t go to anymore because you realize that you’re not fucking 12. But Friendly’s is an iconic restaurant with solid food and if there was anyone as sick and pathetic who would join me I would go there in a heartbeat. It’s about more than than the banging melts and indulgent desserts, Friendly’s represents a better time in our lives. There was nothing like going to a middle school dance, grinding with a girl to some Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris and then taking the postgame to Friendly’s. It got rowdy too, savages making paper airplanes out of their placemats and launching them across the place. It was pretty much a daycare for immature boys embarking on puberty. Times were simpler, if your parents gave you $20 for a movie and Friendly’s you were a made man for the night. Nowadays I need 20 bucks just to spend on a girls first two drinks so that she can stop talking to me after she drinks them. But seriously if anyone wants to take Gratz, rewind it back and hit up a Friendly’s soon let me know…

2. Fuddruckers

When you take a second to think about it, it’s sad how we now refer to going to Chipotle with the crew as a “power move”. That’s not a power move, going to fucking Fuddruckers was the ultimate badass power play one could make back in the day. The burgers were awesome, the fries were those thick steak fries that were packed fat with actual potato. They had the condiment bar where you got to go crazy and top off your burger anyway you want (doesn’t really sound sanitary but then again sanitary isn’t really a factor when you’re talking about badass power play moves) and they had video games…VIDEO GAMES. I don’t know if there was ever a more affordable heaven for a young American male than that. Honestly, whats better than ordering a burger, playing some Cruis’n USA and watching whatever game they had on with an ice cold soda in hand. That sounds awesome right? Now, anybody thats been to Fuddruckers knows I haven’t even got to the best part yet so let me just calm myself down because I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it. So for those unfamiliar, your order normally came with a plastic yellow chip that you exchanged at their bakery on the way out for a warm, delicious cookie. It’s hard to put into words just how amazing this was. You know how in the movies when there’s some high stakes card game a dude with slick hair and sunglasses just walks over and drops a fat wad of cash on the table? Think that except Fuddruckers was the one dropping dough (literally). No better feeling after crushing a meal than walking up to that counter like an absolute boss, pointing to what cookie you want, then flipping the chip at the server as they bagged it for you on your way out. Now, I just went on their website and saw that there are only two in New Jersey and four in Pennsylvania, all of which Im assuming to be in Bumblefuck. Rest in peace to a true American champion, Fuddruckers you are missed.

3. Checkers

Do you live or work in the hood? No? Then odds are there’s no Checkers close to you. Seriously, that’s just how it is. I mean think about it, how often have you drove past that brand new shopping center with the fro yo spot in it and saw a Checkers in sight? It just doesn’t happen and it’s a damn shame. Checkers is one of the most underrated fast food places around. They have great burgers and their fries are truly unrivaled. Mcdonalds and Burger King fries can’t compete and I’ll even take Checkers fries over Arby’s curly fries. Luckily, I went to Miami about a year and half ago and our view from the hotel was literally a walk up Checkers. Needless to say thats all we ate for 5 days so I got my fix in and haven’t had it since but for those less fortunate it remains and ambiguous fantasy that continues to evade them.

4. Bennigans

I’ve been to Bennigans a few times in my life and don’t even really remember it other than it was a pretty dingy place that served decent food and that’s good enough for this list. I don’t know why most Bennigans went extinct (there is one in Vineland, New Jersey but that would literally mean dining inside of the rectum of the state) but I remember them being as good as say an Applebee’s and probably better than Fridays. Ok I just checked they went bye bye because their parent company went bankrupt. Sucks but at least they get to live in infamy by making this list.

5. Charley’s

As someone who knows and appreciates an authentic Philly cheesesteak, it might come as a surprise to most of you to see Charley’s on this list. All things considered, they actually taste pretty damn good and you gotta love the combo with the fries and a drink. The thing is they are mostly (if not always?) in mall food courts meaning:

  1. Who really goes to the mall that much anymore?
  2. Even if you did go to the mall, and ate there, would you actually choose Charley’s?

I’m probably choosing Chick fil A if it’s available 99/100 times but that one time I choose to get Charley’s it always hits the spot.

It’s Happening: McDonald’s Adding McGriddles To All Day Breakfast

I don’t know how to begin this one. When I heard the news, I first had to scour the web to make sure the info was legit, immediately followed by cleaning myself up and changing into a new pair of boxers. McDonald’s is adding McGriddles to their all day breakfast menu.

“The McGriddle — a breakfast sandwich made with maple-flavored griddle cakes — will be added to the all-day service this fall, along with McMuffins and biscuit sandwiches.”

rLlLICd

Ok let me break this down for yall. McDonald’s was struggling with business like an aging porn star whose vagina is more worn out than Cal Ripken’s glove. Some people (sadly) abandoned the iconic restaurant for healthier and fresher options offered at a comparable price. To spice things up, McDonald’s announced that they would be serving breakfast all day (instead of normally ending at 10:30 which, let’s face it, ain’t happening when you’re 24 and hungover). It was cool news and all since that was something the people wanted for a while, but there was a catch, a big one. McGriddles would not be part of the all day menu and if you wanted to get them you had to be at Mcdonald’s before 10:30 like some sort of barbarian. Now, that is about to be a thing of the past and we can all rejoice and look forward to something this fall besides the start of football and sweatpants.

In case you live under a rock or were impoverished growing up, McGriddles are breakfast sandwiches where the bread is basically a pancake infused with maple syrup. They’re really fucking good. The perfect thing to eat if I didn’t have to wake up at an ungodly hour to consume. (I’m writing a blog about McDonald’s in my boxers what makes you think I can be there and awake by 10:30 in the morning.) It was like a universal yearning by all American fatasses alike to be able to order a McGriddle whenever the hell you wanted, without the place being infested with old people who take 20 minutes to order and are an extreme risk in the parking lot. This is special news, news that will change the fast food game forever. You can now legit order a 20 piece McNugget and Sausage McGriddle if you so choose. Big Mac and a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Sandwich with two pancakes with syrup infused in them as the bun? Sure, you got it. McDonald’s is going to turn into a refuge for stoners and hungover alcoholics alike and I’m ready to be a part of the movement. All that millennial, egg white bullshit is about to be over. Fast food is on it’s way to being great again so order those elastic sweatpants and exercise your constitutional right to eat a McGriddle whenever the fuck you so please.

You can check out the full article right here:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2016/07/06/mcdonalds-expands-all-day-breakfast-menu/86747130/

Gratzfood Presents: The Top Eight Fast Food Menu Items

We all know that fast food is a big part of the Gratzfeed lifestyle. Say what you will, but there’s no denying that there are moments in everyones life when you just need to shove a cheap, greasy tray of processed shit down your throat. It could be because you took 19 shots of tequila the previous night and need to replenish everything you vomited out of your body while you were aggressively making out with a toilet bowl. Or it could be because you’ve been trying to eat healthy for the summer and just need a cheat meal before you commit seppuku (literally sticking a samurai sword into your stomach and killing yourself). Either way, there have been some bold, interesting moves in terms of fast food menu items. Burger King now has friggen hot dogs (haven’t tried yet, on the list though, obv) and Taco Bell unleashed the quesalupa (tried, banging). It got me thinking, crazy shit comes and goes all the time but who are the real ride or dies in the game? Who are the day one homies in the posse? The one’s you can really count on in times of need? Here are the top fast food menu items:

  1. Chick Fil A Chicken Sandwich

Over, case closed, end of discussion. Not even Johnnie Cochran could rise from the dead to argue this. Personally, I opt for the spicy one but it doesn’t matter, the chicken sandwich from chick fil a is the best the food of fast industry has to offer. Juicy, butter on the roll, topped wit chick fil a sauce, c’mon now. Gratzfeed’s affinity for Chick Fil A doesn’t exactly need reiteration, but for a list as definitive as this one it has to be firmly established that this is the cream of the crop, the MVP, the Hall of Famer. Got it? Good.

2. Big Mac- Mcdonald’s

It’s just too classic. It has it’s own jingle. When you have a hankering for fast food, this is what’s on your mind… a messy, tasty, caloric nightmare of a sandwich. Everyone knows carbs are the best thing in the world so Mcdonalds hooks it up and gives you the extra layer of bread that is the most necessary non-necessary thing ever. They just look great too, makes you want to bite into the nearest thing available whether that be actual food or your  arm flesh. Big Mac’s are best enjoyed in moderation. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem eating them on the reg but they are at their peak when you haven’t had one in a long time and are scratching your stomachs longstanding itch for some gluttonous goodness.

Unknown-1

3. The Whopper- Burger King

I definitely think the case for Burger King having better burgers than McDonalds can be made, but you have to give the edge to the golden arches for a list like this. Despite only having TWO pieces of bread and one patty, the whopper still is a legend in its own right. The flame broiled taste or whatever you want to call it actually makes my mouth water just thinking about it. Burger King sometimes gets a bad rap for being well, Burger King. BUT, that shouldn’t take away from the fact that their signature menu item is a longstanding powerhouse that never fails to hit whatever spot your sad life needs hitting.

4. Crunchwrap Supreme- Taco Bell

Of course the Big Mac and Whopper were going to be on this list, that was the easy part. This is where there’s room for some actual debate. Simply put, the crunch wrap supreme is genius. Everyone loves tortillas, and everyone loves crunchy, so Taco Bell gives you the best of both worlds with this original concoction. Taco Bell meat might not actually be meat, and eating one of these could lead to a supreme butt hole disaster, but I’ll be damned if anybody tries to deny the instant gratification from housing one of these bad boys drenched in some fire sauce. When you’re a hungover joke thinking is like such a hassle. Can’t decide between a burrito or tacos? Crunchwrap Supreme it is, and you’re welcome.

crunchwrap_supreme

5. Chicken McNuggets- McDonald’s

Pink Slime, fried, high in fat, all the reason to take 20 of these bad boys to the face and cancel whatever remaining plans you had for the day/night. These taste so damn good, and they’re quite a spectacle to look at. Seriously, I love the shapes of these things. I just stare at them and think about what shape I want to eat next/ how much my life is in shambles. Some people appreciate pairing a glass of wine with cheese. I appreciate pairing a circular processed nugget with a side of sweet and sour sauce (ranch and tangy barbecue are also acceptable). I feel like I don’t have to explain the magic that is a Mcdonald’s nugget, anyone that tells you they don’t like them is a bonafide liar and can’t be trusted. If I’m in trouble and I need to call some people to lean on you can bet your bottom McNuggets are on speed dial.

6. Mashed Potatoes- KFC

I know, they aren’t “real” potatoes. Fuck you. Get off your high horse and just enjoy a delectable side of these drenched in gravy with a plastic spork. I love to break the chicken up and put them into the potatoes and make my own little bowls. Ok I’m getting hard so I’m going to move on.

kfc-mashed-potatoes

7. Curly Fries- Arby’s

Sticking with potatoes let’s talk about Arby’s fries. They are curly. They are amazing. I don’t really go to Arby’s all that much because I’m never like “hey, you know what I could go for right now? A nice roast beef sandwich from Arby’s.” But when i do make the trip, the fries are a must. It’s a shame more places don’t follow suit and go curly but kudos to Arby’s for doing their damn thing and killing the fry game.

8. Crispy Chicken Sandwich- Wendy’s

This is the best value menu item period. A dollar, and the chicken for the most part is actually white. There are times in life where you, for whatever sad and pathetic reason(s) just need to go ham on the dollar menu and save some cash. This Wendy’s staple makes those life situations that less painful (still pretty painful though).

All Underrated Team

Chicken Strips- KFC

Sure KFC is known for their fried chicken but I prefer their boneless chicken strips. Easier to dip in sauce, more meat, no bones to choke on, definitely the play.

Loaded Grillers/ Chicken Quesadilla- Taco Bell

Loaded Grillers were introduced as a $.99 cent item on Taco Bell’s menu but they eventually made their way onto the permanent big league roster(although at a slightly higher cost). They are delightful, basically little tacos but instead rolled up in a tortilla. They have a chipotle chicken ranch one which is a go-to and the beefy nacho one has the crispy red chips in it to give it that extra oomph. Also, do you know anyone who gets a quesadilla from Taco Bell? Well, they are one of the best kept secrets around. Not particularly big or filling just really, really tasty.

Well, hope you enjoyed and maybe learned a valuable thing or two. Oh, and until In-N-Out puts on their big boy pants and comes to the east coast, they’ll never make the list. Good day!

New York Chick Fil A Closed After Cluck Ton Of Health Violations

Chick Fil A may be fast food (deep fried, salt engulfed, high calorie fast food), but it’s different from other fast food options. The service is usually great, the people are friendly, and the store itself is always pretty damn clean. Well, the good name of Chick Fil A has now been tarnished as it’s new New York location has been shut down for a cluck ton of health violations (cluck ton, damn I’m good).

“According to the NYC Health department, more than 28 violation points would get a restaurant a “C” grade – the worst grade a restaurant can get in the city. Records currently show the grade for this Chick-fil-A restaurant is “grade pending.”

Here are the six violations the health department reported on December 24:
1. Cold food item held above 41 degrees except during necessary preparation.
2. Food not cooled by an approved method whereby the internal product temperature is reduced from 140 degrees to 70 degrees or less within 2 hours, and from 70 degrees to 41 degrees or less within 4 additional hours.
3. Filth flies or food/refuse/sewage-associated (FRSA) flies present in facility’s food and/or non-food areas. Filth flies include house flies, little house flies, blow flies, bottle flies and flesh flies. Food/refuse/sewage-associated flies include fruit flies, drain flies and Phorid flies.
4. Food not protected from potential source of contamination during storage of contamination during storage, preparation, transportation, display or service.
5. Wiping cloths soiled or not stored in sanitizing solution.
6. Facility not vermin proof. Harborage or conditions conducive to attracting vermin to the premises and/or allowing vermin to exist.”

Damn. Biggest choke job from New York since the Mets blew the World Series. You have ONE, ONE Chick Fil A and you can’t even handle that? If there’s one New Years Resolution this city should make it’s to turn this fiasco around and give the people the Chick Fil A they deserve. They were so wrapped up with protecting the city on New Years that they completely missed that a brand new Chick Fil A was going to shit right before their eyes. Inexcusable. I’d load up Jason Pierre Paul’s clubbed hand up with kitchen cleaner and have him scrub until the damn thing falls off. But for real I’m still going to eat at Chick Fil A regardless, obviously. Vermin, Shmermin. Just pour some Chick Fil A sauce on the affected areas and everything will be good to go. Plus, even though it got a “C” grading, that ain’t too bad in my book. C’s get degrees and now apparently C’s get diseased but in this case you literally have to risk it to get the biscuit. Last thing, if this doesn’t improve soon we have to bring out the big guns in there and we all know that’s Jon Taffer and his squad. Save yourself the embarrassment and humiliation, Chick Fil A, you’re better than this.

ctm1002chickfila04450835640x360.jpg

Gratzfood Review: McDonald’s Premium Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

That is what I kept thinking of when I decided to review the new McDonald’s chicken sandwich. It felt sacrilegious because I’m such a devout follower of the Chick Fil A practice, but since fine cuisine is a big part of Gratzfeed I believed it to be my duty to give a fair and impartial review of this new sandwich and, while we prefer Chick Fil A here, we appreciate and enjoy all walks of fast food life. Plus, McDonalds has never wronged me with their chicken (besides that time they used to serve nuggets with purple meat back in the day but hey lets let bygones be bygones).

So I pulled up to the drive thru, ordered the meal, a McChicken as well for shits and gigs and went back to the spot to put this bad boy to the test. I opened it and it looked pretty legit. You could tell the bun was going to be a game changer. It was time to feast.

unnamed

After the first bite I heard a big plop fall into the packaging (see below). I looked and it was an obscene amount of buttermilk ranch (it is the premium buttermilk crispy chicken deluxe sandwich after all). I couldn’t get over how much ranch was on this sucker, just ranch everywhere, like an elephant was mating and pulled out and finished all over this premium McDonalds Sandwich. I definitely didn’t think this ranch tasted as good as the packaged ranch from McDonald’s, something was off. 

unnamed-1

I persevered through this odd tasting ranch and continued eating. It was pretty good, the chicken was rather McDonalds like as expected, a nice and bigger white meat alternative to whatever is in the McChicken. The roll tasted really good but there was just so much of this sauce that i couldn’t even taste it which really hampered the experience. Overall, it wasn’t my favorite, not bad, just not my favorite and at $4.69 for just the sandwich it puts you in the classic McDonalds conundrum, would you rather have one of these or like five things from the dollar menu and re evaluate life later?

unnamed-2

Then, for this review I went to McDonalds’ website solely to retrieve the official name for this concoction. I took a quick glance at the ingredients and that is when i snapped. “A tender, juicy, filet made with 100% chicken breast meat, real buttermilk and no artificial colors. Plus fresh tomato, crisp leaf lettuce and mayonnaise. All atop our delectable artisan roll.” I hate tomatoes so I ordered it without them BUT WHAT WAS THAT PART BEFORE THE ARTISAN ROLL? MAYONNAISE? WHAT. OK, I see what happened here, I, for some moronic reason thought that the premium buttermilk crispy chicken deluxe sandwich meant BUTTERMILK RANCH. Turns out, it was just the chicken that was buttermilk. The class mix-up I guess. Who says buttermilk nowadays without talking about ranch? You may be thinking “Gratz, how the fuck did you think that mayonnaise was ranch?, You’re better than that.” Well normally I would give you that, HOWEVER THIS IS MCDONALDS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, THE CHICKEN USED TO BE FUCKING PURPLE FOR FUCKS SAKE. Plus i don’t eat mayonnaise so how was I supposed to know what it tasted like. (On a side note it wasn’t as repulsive as I thought as I was able to finish the sandwich, but I definitely will continue to order food without it in the future.)

Hey McDonald’s, you wanna know why you’re hurting for sales and losing to a place that isn’t even open 7 days a week? It’s because you pull shit like this, advertise a buttermilk chicken sandwich and put fucking mayonnaise on it instead of buttermilk ranch, despite previously having a sandwich on the dollar menu that had ranch on it. I’m heated man, hold me back. Chick fil a would never do something so foul, so heinous, and if they did I would cause such a scene and put my nuts on the counter and all they would say is “my pleasure =)” and fix it. I do however feel I have to try this sandwich again, without mayo even though I really shouldn’t. I can’t let them win like that.

Verdict: N/A, too enraged from ranch debacle, stay tuned for an update.

Breaking: McDonalds Offering ALL DAY BREAKFAST Starting October 6

Yes you read that headline correctly. On October 6, 2015, McDonalds will start to offer breakfast all day long.

“Company officials announced Tuesday that they will begin serving breakfast all-day nationally on Oct. 6. Restaurant operators approved the move in a vote Tuesday.

McDonald’s has been testing all-day breakfast in select markets for several months after hearing for years from customers that they wanted to be able to get an Egg McMuffin no matter what time of day. Over the last year, the company had counted 120,000 requests on Twitter calling for them to sell breakfast items all day.”

This is probably the most dangerous thing to happen to America since the AIDS epidemic. Let me paint the picture for you. It’s Friday night and you and your buddies are going out. You spend the evening bar hopping, slamming tequila shots, dancing like the pathetic white boy dancer you are, trying to salvage whatever motor function you have left as you talk to the girl who you think is a 9 but is actually a 4. You wake up alone the next morning at around 11 with 5/6 of the money you went out with missing and having no recollection of how you got home until you check your phone and see you spent $44.12 on an Uber. Now, imagine then going to McDonalds around noonish/1:00 and consuming a sausage McGriddle or two? Forget Monday, you would be lucky to make it back to work by Tuesday. I would honestly rather just stand there with my hands behind my back and let Floyd Mayweather knock me out, noses heal, arteries don’t. I’m calling that America’s productivity will be at an all time low, but what do I know? Its not like I’ve ever eaten McDonalds and know first hand how severely damaging it can be to your life as well as your loved ones. America, gotta love it, you can’t bet $20 on a football game but you can order an egg McMuffin at 4 pm. Despite the morbid consequences, I’m actually all about it. Some people get a thrill from doing an obstacle course in mud, others like to test their bodies limits by eating McDonalds breakfast in the afternoon. Just don’t say you haven’t been warned, America.

mcdonalds-breakfast

You can check out the full article here:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2015/09/01/mcdonalds-start-all-day-breakfast-nationally-oct-6/71529320/

Pizza Hut Aiming to Revolutionize Pizza

Have you seen yet? OK, here’s the deal: Pizza Hut is going to start having pizzas with hot dog stuffed crust. Allow me to elaborate, THE CRUST OF THE PIZZA IS LITERALLY MADE OUT HOT DOGS, LIKE PIGS IN A BLANKET. Apparently this has existed in the UK for years already, IDK why this is just now becoming a thing in America, but I’m down. There’s 28 dogs around the perimeter of the crust and will cost $11.99 for a one topping pie starting on June 18th. Last time I ate that many dogs was Bar Mitzvah season ’04-’05, when I was like a size 46 waist and weighed less than I do now. Stay tuned for an in depth review and total breakdown of Pizza Hut’s new masterpiece, right here on Gratzfeed.

pizzahut-hotdogpizza-today-150610_bf254d3344c1083af4ef19f40db60ad1.today-inline-large2x