Gratzfeed Review: Fudge Brownie M&M’s

Hey y’all. Gratz here checking in from Quarantine. You know what I realized? There’s a ton of snacks out there. What’s good? What stinks? What’s even out there in the snack game? Chances are you might be cooped up and a little bored. Well, what’s the number one activity to fight boredom? You guessed it, snacking. Figured I’d start posting some reviews so we can squeeze some joy out of life by way of food. First up, fudge brownie m&m’s. Enjoy!

It’s Time We Address These Oreo Milka Bars…

When I went to Israel in December I left with a deeper sense of purpose and a greater understanding of the meaning of life. Experiencing growth both spiritually and mentality, there’s one specific moment where I can attribute this boundless transformation to. One defining moment where it all clicked and I saw the earth through a new lens. As someone who’s a bit of a picky eater, I found myself hungry to the point of delusion and needed some sort of substance to power me through the day. At the store I saw these “Milka” bars and noticed one that was Oreo based. I wasn’t sure if these existed in the states or not so I decided to give it a try….

You may think the purpose of this piece is to celebrate and admire these candy bars. Far from it. This is a warning. This is to raise awareness on a potentially life altering substance that is (for the moment) legalized and carried in real stores. Since Israel I have learned that these bars are now available in the states. For the sake of you and your loved ones do not try them. Just say no. We could be on the verge of the next big epidemic and it’s up to us to nip it in the bud. Colossal consequences at stake. I’m happy that I found my purpose in life. I’m glad to know that if I can stop just one person from eating these then I can make a real difference. The responsibility of preventing a massive outbreak falls squarely on our shoulders. If you know someone who’s been affected by Oreo Milka bars, or are personally affected yourself, please call the Gratzfeed hotline where you will receive one on one consultation from one of our trained experts. Have a blessed day.

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Starburst Is Releasing All Pink Packs This April And America Is Officially Great Again

The protests have worked. The suffering is over. Change is coming. Temporary change, but still change and a step in the right direction. Starburst has announced they will be releasing all pink packs this April. That’s not all, they will also be releasing all pink BAGS too. LIKE BAGS, LIKE THE KIND THAT ARE DESIGNED TO SUPPLY A SMALL CHILD’S ENTIRE BIRTHDAY PARTIES WORTH OF GOODIE BAGS.

What great news on a Monday. I’ve already made my official Starburst power rankings known but in case you’re unfamiliar here they are once again:

  1. Pink
  2. Orange

The only problem with this is I have to figure out the legalities of my business plan. I want to horde as many packs and bags as I can and resell them on the black market to fellow addicts. The problem is I’m pretty sure pink Starburst are still classified as scheduled one narcotics. On a side note what a great idea releasing these in April. Not only is that my birthday month but the real appeal is that these will finally take all the attention away from those disgusting sugar coated chicks and ducks that everyone buys around Easter. Those things are a real travesty. Hopefully Starburst will come to their senses and keep all pink packs around for an extended time (forever and ever) but in the meantime everybody responsibly.

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This is not fake news.

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