Gratzfood Review: Burger King Crispy Chicken Sandwich

When you first hear Burger King, chances are the first thing that pops in your head isn’t chicken. In all likelihood the first thing you think of rhymes with bopper. Or schnopper. Sure BK has chicken fries and an original chicken sandwich that has been around forever but the reality is they have been searching for a premium chicken sandwich fixture on their menu the same way the Cleveland Browns have been searching for a franchise quarterback. Due to the popularity of other chicken sandwiches in the fast food game companies have felt added pressure to offer a quality chicken sandwich that can compete with the industries top sellers.

Enter the new Crispy Chicken Sandwich. According to Burger King, “Our New Crispy Sandwich is made with 100% white meat chicken filet, seasoned and breaded and carefully layered with fresh lettuce, ripe tomato, and creamy mayonnaise on a potato bun.” Sounds quite appealing. Reviews and word of mouth that I have seen and heard so far have been pretty positive too. It was time to put it to the test.

What I ordered: Crispy Chicken Sandwich meal (medium). No tomatoes. No mayo.

Cost: $8.31 with tax.

Verdict: First off, I only wanted to order the sandwich, without the fries and drink. The sandwich alone came to $5.19. At that point I felt the only logical option was to spring the extra 2 something and get the meal. They got me. It was supposed to be 7 bucks and change but somehow, someway came to $8.31. Rather than dissect the charges like an old lady at Shop Rite I paid and kept it moving. Time to eat. I unwrapped the sandwich (which came in regular paper, nothing that would make it feel like a premium item) and at first glance wasn’t all too impressed. It looked like a pretty standard chicken sandwich. The first thing I thought when I took a bite was that this tasted familiar and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized that the bun they used tasted identical to the one McDonald’s uses for their Buttermilk Deluxe Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Not to say that’s a bad thing as I actually like that bread but it just seemed odd for it to taste so similar to their competitor. As for the chicken? Good but not great. It was made with white meat but it wasn’t a plump, hearty breast of chicken. Here’s the thing, while this may be a decent chicken sandwich the price and overall lack of anything exciting won’t ever make me go out of my way for it. It tasted good, I liked the bread and it was pretty crispy but it doesn’t compete with say, Chick-fil-A or even come close. Chick-Fil-A tastes better and costs less. Go figure. I don’t want to spend $8 at Burger King for a meal. If I’m spending $8 I want to get a bunch of little things and fill myself up that way. For instance, you can grab 2 of their Original Chicken Sandwiches for $5. I’d much rather do that. Or if I were at Wendy’s you can have FIVE of their dollar menu ones. That may be excessive (it may not be) but I’m just making a point. Quality over quantity is one thing but when you’re at Burger King the goal is usually to get as much grub as you can for the lowest cost possible. Kind of disappointed. If you’re at Burger King and are craving a chicken sandwich then by all means go for it. But if you’re just in the mood for a chicken sandwich in general and have transportation or can walk then there are much, much better alternatives… and at a lower price.

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You Have To Love This South Jersey Dude Who Went To Jail For Drunkenly Crashing His Golf Cart Trying To Run Over A Rooster

There are some savages in South Jersey. Trust me. I would know. But Daniel Jones has just set the bar pretty darn high with his antics in Key West, Florida (another severely messed up state). I’m not even going to summarize, instead I’m just going to copy and paste pretty much the entire original article because it’s just too funny as is.

“The 34-year-old South Jersey man spent a night in a Key West, Fla., jail last week after he drunkenly crashed a golf cart trying to run over a rooster, according to The Florida Keys newspaper.

The Cinnaminson resident was reportedly seen around 6 p.m. last Friday driving the cart erratically through the white-house-lined streets of Bahama Village in pursuit of the red-headed cockerel.

“He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster,” Key West resident Vincent Vurro, who saw the whole thing unfold, told the newspaper.

As Jones swerved toward the bird, the cart rolled over, throwing the driver and two passengers onto the street, the newspaper reported. A female passenger suffered chipped teeth and skinned knees.

The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.

Jones was taken into custody, and reportedly fell asleep in the police cruiser on the way to the local jail.

After repeatedly sticking his fingers and shirt in his mouth, the newspaper reported, Jones allegedly scored a blood-alcohol content of 0.25, which is more than three times the legal limit in Key West.

He was jailed on suspicion of driving under the influence, and was released on his own recognizance the next day.

Efforts to reach him Wednesday were unsuccessful.”

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Although this report is only a few paragraphs long, it feels like a Pulitzer Prize winning novel. So much to examine and break down. Where do I begin? “He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster”. First off, not sure if the driver would even know what adamant means. Second, you can’t not appreciate the drivers sheer tenacity and will. He was going to run over and splatter that rooster’s guts if it was the last thing he did. Except he didn’t. Also love the part about the two passengers flying out into the street too, with one of them chipping their teeth and messing up their knees. Wonder what they were thinking during that whole ordeal. Must have thought they were in a real life game of Crazy Taxi or Simpsons Road Rage (very underrated video game by the way). Were they in on this goose, er, rooster chase too? Then there’s the ultimate shot to the heart. The cold blooded sentence that really stings and shatters you. “The rooster, however, proceeded safely to the sidewalk.” Damn. I can just imagine that smug fucking rooster looking at these bozos from the sidewalk, sucking their souls with just his stare. Like Kevin McCallister grinning at The Wet Bandits immediately after ruining their lives. Was this the most cunning, elusive rooster ever or was this golf cart carrying the world’s saddest and most pathetic human beings on earth? I guess unless we get some video footage we may never know. I could go on and on with this one but I simply don’t have the mental capacity to dive even deeper. I guess not everyone from South Jersey was born a rocket scientist…

For Just 5 Bucks You Can Watch All The Boomerang Cartoons You Can Handle

Yesterday I heard people will be able to buy all pink packs of Starburst. I didn’t think it could get any better…until today.

“Bugs Bunny, Scooby-Doo, the Flintstones and other cartoon favorites will play a starring role in a new subscription-video service version of Boomerang, from Time Warner’s Turner and Warner Bros.

The Boomerang internet-video service — which will not carry any ads — will launch sometime in the spring of 2017, priced starting at $4.99 per month. It marks the first time the two companies have offered the WB-owned animation library of 5,000-plus titles from Hanna-Barbera, Looney Tunes and MGM on a streaming platform. New and classic shows on the service will include “Bugs Bunny,” “Scooby-Doo,” “Tom & Jerry,” “The Jetsons” and “The Flintstones,” with content rotated weekly.”

Let me paint the picture for you. You wake up (hopefully) Saturday morning. Your head is throbbing and your overall life is in complete shambles. There are a few immediate essential lifelines (that are legal) I can think of: blue gatorade, greasy food, and fucking vintage Boomerang cartoons. People my age are going to spin classes, wineries, having weddings. I don’t need any of those in my life. What I do need are 70 year old cartoons while I sit in my boxers and eat hardened leftover Dominos from the night before. $5? What a steal, that’s Flintstone pricing right there. I mean how do you put a price on being able to watch ‘The Jetsons’ whenever you so please? I don’t know about you but this April you can find me in a dark room with the blinds down eating pink starburst by the pound watching vintage cartoons. Things are looking up!

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You can check out the full article right here:

Turner, Warner Bros. to Launch Boomerang Cartoon Streaming-Subscription Service for $5 Monthly

Starburst Is Releasing All Pink Packs This April And America Is Officially Great Again

The protests have worked. The suffering is over. Change is coming. Temporary change, but still change and a step in the right direction. Starburst has announced they will be releasing all pink packs this April. That’s not all, they will also be releasing all pink BAGS too. LIKE BAGS, LIKE THE KIND THAT ARE DESIGNED TO SUPPLY A SMALL CHILD’S ENTIRE BIRTHDAY PARTIES WORTH OF GOODIE BAGS.

What great news on a Monday. I’ve already made my official Starburst power rankings known but in case you’re unfamiliar here they are once again:

  1. Pink
  2. Orange

The only problem with this is I have to figure out the legalities of my business plan. I want to horde as many packs and bags as I can and resell them on the black market to fellow addicts. The problem is I’m pretty sure pink Starburst are still classified as scheduled one narcotics. On a side note what a great idea releasing these in April. Not only is that my birthday month but the real appeal is that these will finally take all the attention away from those disgusting sugar coated chicks and ducks that everyone buys around Easter. Those things are a real travesty. Hopefully Starburst will come to their senses and keep all pink packs around for an extended time (forever and ever) but in the meantime everybody responsibly.

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This is not fake news.

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Breaking Down The Trade That Sent Nerlens Noel To Dallas

As I sit here and write this I glance out my window. The sun is out and it’s 73 degrees in February. Yet for some reason morale isn’t as high as it should be. It’s like there is this ominous, imaginary cloud looming over Philadelphia. This is because for the umpteenth time in this new era of Sixers basketball, it appears they have taken a step backward. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia may be the name of a popular TV show but ask any Sixers fan and I’ll bet they beg to differ.

Yesterday was the NBA trade deadline. Let me first rewind a couple weeks back to what the general consensus was regarding what the Sixers would do. Joel Embiid looks great when he’s healthy, he’s hurt now but we’re definitely keeping him. A stud in the making, he’s not going anywhere. Nerlens Noel might not be the best rebounder and he certainly doesn’t intimidate on offense, but at 22 he’s an elite defender and has shown great improvement as someone who can be a defensive stalwart for a long time, health considered as always. Plus, he’s been here for four years and while he’s had his moments of immaturity (what 22 year old hasn’t?) he’s handled the losing situation as well as anyone could and actually seemed like he enjoyed and embraced playing in Philadelphia, especially as of late. Jahlil Okafor hasn’t played as well as the other two bigs. He doesn’t defend well and his effort and passion is questioned at times. Yes he can be a potential 20 point scorer but with a big man logjam he appears to be the odd man out. That’s not to say Jahlil can’t be a valuable NBA player though. He’s only 21 and was a third overall pick. Maybe a change of scenery would be best for all parties involved. No hard feelings, no harm no foul. Despite his underwhelming play, his attractive contract situation and age and potential should still make him quite valuable to other NBA teams. Or so one would think. Best of luck Jahlil, but you’re going to be traded.

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Nerlens seemed to enjoy representing Philly basketball…

And what actually happens? They keep Okafor, trade Noel…DUH! Not only did they trade Noel, they traded him to the Mavericks for a lottery protected, first round pick. That pick is all but certain to end up not even being a first round pick but instead dissolve into two second round picks. They did however get a player too, Justin Anderson. Anderson is a 6’6 wing player who is known for his length (7 foot wingspan) and defense as he’s able to D up other big bodies on the wing. But 20 teams passed on Anderson in the 2015 draft. And he couldn’t crack the Mavs rotation… and Dallas is 22-34. Quite like Jahlil Okafor, league insiders believe that Anderson just needed a change of scenery, which he was given with being traded to the Sixers.

Honestly, I’m not even mad the Sixers traded Noel. He figures to ask for and receive close to, if not a maximum contract. If the Sixers didn’t think he would be an essential part of a championship contending team then I can live with that. Plus, if they plan on having Embiid be their center long term then they just aren’t going to pay big money to two centers. Wasn’t going to happen. I like Nerlens too and am a fan of his but at the end of the day I just want the Sixers to be a winner and if they think they have to get rid of certain players to get there then I’m fine with that. What ENRAGES me however is the compensation they received for Noel. Two second round picks? I’d rather have two sides of cheese for my bucket of crab fries. Justin Anderson can be a solid player, heck maybe he can be elite for all I know. But he was drafted 21st overall and as previously mentioned couldn’t get playing time on a crappy team. Nerlens would have been the de facto number 1 pick in his draft had he not get injured prior. It’s not that I’m down on Anderson but it’s just impossible and straight up foolish to say his value equals anything close to Nerlens Noel. I get it, the Sixers had to move him if they weren’t going to pay him instead of getting nothing, but they should have figured this out and acted on it sooner. Also, here’s a thought, why not just pay him? If they gave him a near max or max deal as long as he plays how he’s playing he would still be trade-able in the future. You don’t think a team would take on his contract if they thought he was an important fit? The fact that he was a restricted free agent is what hurt his value because he could leave after the season but why inflict pain on yourself for another teams problem? ALSO, Joel Embiid missed TWO whole seasons before playing this year. He STILL  hasn’t proven he can stay on the court with a minute restriction, let alone for a full NBA season. AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS? I love the dude, I really love Embiid but let’s be honest he’s injury prone. Knowing this and trading Nerlens Noel for what they did is just stunning to me. It’s baffling how these near max contract guys can be moved for such low returns. Demarcus Cousins potentially could have signed a contract worth 209 million dollars and gets traded for what many believe to be a low return. Nerlens Noel expects to sign a huge deal and gets traded for a couple second round picks and a dude drafted 21st overall. But then again I’m just a dude who blogs so what do I know? Bryan Colangelo was hired because he’s a “basketball guy” with better connections and relations with teams than Sam Hinkie and thus would be better suited to work out favorable deals. What happened to that?

As I sit here and finish this up today, not only is Nerlens Noel gone, word is that Joel Embiid will be out “indefinitely”. Ben Simmons will also be shut down for the rest of the year. Out of their last four top picks only Jahlil Okafor is currently playing on a regular basis. I’m not here to compare Sam Hinkie and Bryan Colangelo but I’ll say that with Hinkie even if we stunk at least there seemed to be a plan in place that would inevitably be fruitful to us in the future. Where we stand now, I’m not so sure if there’s even a plan. If there is it’s not very transparent and keeping  fans in the dark after this many seasons of intentional losing is disgraceful. It’s so frustrating because the Sixers tried to be bad these past few years so they can get these “assets”. Assets have turned to suspects. The Sixers suck at sucking. And that sucks.

Gratzfood Review: Shanks Original

If you read Gratzfeed then you’re already familiar with our comprehensive guide to Philly’s best cheesesteaks. While we searched far and wide in order be as thorough as possible there were admittedly a few places we didn’t get to hit, one of them being Shanks. Located on Columbus boulevard, Shanks is a little joint right by the river that fits the mold of a typical Philly cheesesteak spot. It’s dive-y. After a trip to home depot my buddy and I swung by and put it to the test as we looked to unlock another notch on our cheesesteak belt, quite literally too.

What I ordered: Cheesesteak. American cheese. Fried Onions.

Cost: $8.75

Verdict: The bread was pretty good and the meat was solid. So it was good right? Eh, kinda.  The cheesesteak was good but it didn’t really have anything special that separates it from the competition. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed it but it’s not a sandwich I would go out of my way for, especially with all of the other options close by. For $8.75 I thought they could have added more meat and perhaps that’s something they can do in the future to better stand out. I mean my hunger was satisfied after eating it but in my opinion eating a cheesesteak isn’t supposed to just fill you, it should effectively knock you out. This kind of reminded me of a slightly better cheesesteak you can get from say your local pizza spot, which isn’t necessarily a knock it’s just not a Philly elite in my opinion. Good, not great, if it’s put in front of me I’m not going to say no but I’m not trekking out of my way for it. You get it. Cool.

Gratzfood Review: Craftsman Row Saloon

So my buddy’s been telling me about a place right near his work, Craftsman Row Saloon. Vouches for their food although he usually gets a salad. Fine. Then I started seeing Craftsman Row pop up on some Instagram food accounts. Then I saw their own page and something caught my attention like I was an 8 year old walking past KB Toys. “OFF THE MENU Buffalo Chicken Sandwich! Available upon request”. Well guess what? Gratzfood came. Gratzfood requested. Gratzfood ate. Shall we?

What it’s called: Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.

Cost: $9.50 + tax.

What is it exactly?: Boneless fried chicken in buffalo sauce, american cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, bleu cheese, bacon on a brioche (o la la) bun. Side of fries.

Gratzfood alterations: No tomato. No bleu cheese. I don’t have many kind words to say about bleu cheese. Substitute spicy ranch.

Verdict: The sandwich was amazing. I freakin loved it and am still on a high as I write this. The chicken breast was huge and tasty. The buffalo sauce wasn’t all too spicy but yet very flavorful. You get more of the buffalo taste than the actual heat, for some that may be a good thing and for others that may be a bad thing but I really enjoyed it as I wasn’t dying while eating this bad boy. Sometimes places overdo it with the sauce, I found this to be just right. Instead of bleu cheese I opted for their spicy ranch and I’m more than happy with that decision. They put it on the sandwich and then gave me a side of it which was clutch as I was pouring it on each bite and even dipping my fries. Perhaps the real game changer with this creation was the bacon. The bacon was thick and hearty and delicious. I mean, c’mon it’s bacon…on a fried chicken sandwich. Also, I don’t think I ever met a brioche bun I didn’t like. Anytime a place decides to use brioche buns for it’s sandwiches it never hurts, only helps. The fries they serve are just ok but they give you a lot and it doesn’t take much for me to chow down on a side of fries. I wish they were a little crispier but the main priority with this meal was the sandwich which simply rocked. I would easily recommended this and would gladly go and order it again. Apparently their brisket mac and cheese is also pretty delightful…til next time!

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Warning: This might get messy.