I love food. Obviously, I mean if you read this blog you already know how the Gratzfeed brand is an advocate for pretty much all of the most harmful food and food companies in existence. So today I had Qdoba for lunch, solid as always but I eat it all the time because its right down the street from where I work. When it was time for dinner, I sat in my car for a solid 15-20 minutes contemplating just how I wanted to eat away my sorrows to cap off the day (finally decided on chicken bacon ranch quesdaillas from Chilis, AMAZINGG) and during my decision process I started to think about places I haven’t had in a while which started to bring back some memories. It’s kinda like South Park and the member berries (remember blockbuster?!) and I instantly started to think about some of the truly great establishments that are often overlooked or buried in the annals of history. Let’s take a few minutes to think back and show some appreciation for some of the all time greats, shall we?
Friendly’s still exist but its one of those places where it’s either not really accessible or you just don’t go to anymore because you realize that you’re not fucking 12. But Friendly’s is an iconic restaurant with solid food and if there was anyone as sick and pathetic who would join me I would go there in a heartbeat. It’s about more than than the banging melts and indulgent desserts, Friendly’s represents a better time in our lives. There was nothing like going to a middle school dance, grinding with a girl to some Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris and then taking the postgame to Friendly’s. It got rowdy too, savages making paper airplanes out of their placemats and launching them across the place. It was pretty much a daycare for immature boys embarking on puberty. Times were simpler, if your parents gave you $20 for a movie and Friendly’s you were a made man for the night. Nowadays I need 20 bucks just to spend on a girls first two drinks so that she can stop talking to me after she drinks them. But seriously if anyone wants to take Gratz, rewind it back and hit up a Friendly’s soon let me know…
When you take a second to think about it, it’s sad how we now refer to going to Chipotle with the crew as a “power move”. That’s not a power move, going to fucking Fuddruckers was the ultimate badass power play one could make back in the day. The burgers were awesome, the fries were those thick steak fries that were packed fat with actual potato. They had the condiment bar where you got to go crazy and top off your burger anyway you want (doesn’t really sound sanitary but then again sanitary isn’t really a factor when you’re talking about badass power play moves) and they had video games…VIDEO GAMES. I don’t know if there was ever a more affordable heaven for a young American male than that. Honestly, whats better than ordering a burger, playing some Cruis’n USA and watching whatever game they had on with an ice cold soda in hand. That sounds awesome right? Now, anybody thats been to Fuddruckers knows I haven’t even got to the best part yet so let me just calm myself down because I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it. So for those unfamiliar, your order normally came with a plastic yellow chip that you exchanged at their bakery on the way out for a warm, delicious cookie. It’s hard to put into words just how amazing this was. You know how in the movies when there’s some high stakes card game a dude with slick hair and sunglasses just walks over and drops a fat wad of cash on the table? Think that except Fuddruckers was the one dropping dough (literally). No better feeling after crushing a meal than walking up to that counter like an absolute boss, pointing to what cookie you want, then flipping the chip at the server as they bagged it for you on your way out. Now, I just went on their website and saw that there are only two in New Jersey and four in Pennsylvania, all of which Im assuming to be in Bumblefuck. Rest in peace to a true American champion, Fuddruckers you are missed.
Do you live or work in the hood? No? Then odds are there’s no Checkers close to you. Seriously, that’s just how it is. I mean think about it, how often have you drove past that brand new shopping center with the fro yo spot in it and saw a Checkers in sight? It just doesn’t happen and it’s a damn shame. Checkers is one of the most underrated fast food places around. They have great burgers and their fries are truly unrivaled. Mcdonalds and Burger King fries can’t compete and I’ll even take Checkers fries over Arby’s curly fries. Luckily, I went to Miami about a year and half ago and our view from the hotel was literally a walk up Checkers. Needless to say thats all we ate for 5 days so I got my fix in and haven’t had it since but for those less fortunate it remains and ambiguous fantasy that continues to evade them.
I’ve been to Bennigans a few times in my life and don’t even really remember it other than it was a pretty dingy place that served decent food and that’s good enough for this list. I don’t know why most Bennigans went extinct (there is one in Vineland, New Jersey but that would literally mean dining inside of the rectum of the state) but I remember them being as good as say an Applebee’s and probably better than Fridays. Ok I just checked they went bye bye because their parent company went bankrupt. Sucks but at least they get to live in infamy by making this list.
As someone who knows and appreciates an authentic Philly cheesesteak, it might come as a surprise to most of you to see Charley’s on this list. All things considered, they actually taste pretty damn good and you gotta love the combo with the fries and a drink. The thing is they are mostly (if not always?) in mall food courts meaning:
- Who really goes to the mall that much anymore?
- Even if you did go to the mall, and ate there, would you actually choose Charley’s?
I’m probably choosing Chick fil A if it’s available 99/100 times but that one time I choose to get Charley’s it always hits the spot.