We all know that fast food is a big part of the Gratzfeed lifestyle. Say what you will, but there’s no denying that there are moments in everyones life when you just need to shove a cheap, greasy tray of processed shit down your throat. It could be because you took 19 shots of tequila the previous night and need to replenish everything you vomited out of your body while you were aggressively making out with a toilet bowl. Or it could be because you’ve been trying to eat healthy for the summer and just need a cheat meal before you commit seppuku (literally sticking a samurai sword into your stomach and killing yourself). Either way, there have been some bold, interesting moves in terms of fast food menu items. Burger King now has friggen hot dogs (haven’t tried yet, on the list though, obv) and Taco Bell unleashed the quesalupa (tried, banging). It got me thinking, crazy shit comes and goes all the time but who are the real ride or dies in the game? Who are the day one homies in the posse? The one’s you can really count on in times of need? Here are the top fast food menu items:
- Chick Fil A Chicken Sandwich
Over, case closed, end of discussion. Not even Johnnie Cochran could rise from the dead to argue this. Personally, I opt for the spicy one but it doesn’t matter, the chicken sandwich from chick fil a is the best the food of fast industry has to offer. Juicy, butter on the roll, topped wit chick fil a sauce, c’mon now. Gratzfeed’s affinity for Chick Fil A doesn’t exactly need reiteration, but for a list as definitive as this one it has to be firmly established that this is the cream of the crop, the MVP, the Hall of Famer. Got it? Good.
2. Big Mac- Mcdonald’s
It’s just too classic. It has it’s own jingle. When you have a hankering for fast food, this is what’s on your mind… a messy, tasty, caloric nightmare of a sandwich. Everyone knows carbs are the best thing in the world so Mcdonalds hooks it up and gives you the extra layer of bread that is the most necessary non-necessary thing ever. They just look great too, makes you want to bite into the nearest thing available whether that be actual food or your arm flesh. Big Mac’s are best enjoyed in moderation. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem eating them on the reg but they are at their peak when you haven’t had one in a long time and are scratching your stomachs longstanding itch for some gluttonous goodness.
3. The Whopper- Burger King
I definitely think the case for Burger King having better burgers than McDonalds can be made, but you have to give the edge to the golden arches for a list like this. Despite only having TWO pieces of bread and one patty, the whopper still is a legend in its own right. The flame broiled taste or whatever you want to call it actually makes my mouth water just thinking about it. Burger King sometimes gets a bad rap for being well, Burger King. BUT, that shouldn’t take away from the fact that their signature menu item is a longstanding powerhouse that never fails to hit whatever spot your sad life needs hitting.
4. Crunchwrap Supreme- Taco Bell
Of course the Big Mac and Whopper were going to be on this list, that was the easy part. This is where there’s room for some actual debate. Simply put, the crunch wrap supreme is genius. Everyone loves tortillas, and everyone loves crunchy, so Taco Bell gives you the best of both worlds with this original concoction. Taco Bell meat might not actually be meat, and eating one of these could lead to a supreme butt hole disaster, but I’ll be damned if anybody tries to deny the instant gratification from housing one of these bad boys drenched in some fire sauce. When you’re a hungover joke thinking is like such a hassle. Can’t decide between a burrito or tacos? Crunchwrap Supreme it is, and you’re welcome.
5. Chicken McNuggets- McDonald’s
Pink Slime, fried, high in fat, all the reason to take 20 of these bad boys to the face and cancel whatever remaining plans you had for the day/night. These taste so damn good, and they’re quite a spectacle to look at. Seriously, I love the shapes of these things. I just stare at them and think about what shape I want to eat next/ how much my life is in shambles. Some people appreciate pairing a glass of wine with cheese. I appreciate pairing a circular processed nugget with a side of sweet and sour sauce (ranch and tangy barbecue are also acceptable). I feel like I don’t have to explain the magic that is a Mcdonald’s nugget, anyone that tells you they don’t like them is a bonafide liar and can’t be trusted. If I’m in trouble and I need to call some people to lean on you can bet your bottom McNuggets are on speed dial.
6. Mashed Potatoes- KFC
I know, they aren’t “real” potatoes. Fuck you. Get off your high horse and just enjoy a delectable side of these drenched in gravy with a plastic spork. I love to break the chicken up and put them into the potatoes and make my own little bowls. Ok I’m getting hard so I’m going to move on.
7. Curly Fries- Arby’s
Sticking with potatoes let’s talk about Arby’s fries. They are curly. They are amazing. I don’t really go to Arby’s all that much because I’m never like “hey, you know what I could go for right now? A nice roast beef sandwich from Arby’s.” But when i do make the trip, the fries are a must. It’s a shame more places don’t follow suit and go curly but kudos to Arby’s for doing their damn thing and killing the fry game.
8. Crispy Chicken Sandwich- Wendy’s
This is the best value menu item period. A dollar, and the chicken for the most part is actually white. There are times in life where you, for whatever sad and pathetic reason(s) just need to go ham on the dollar menu and save some cash. This Wendy’s staple makes those life situations that less painful (still pretty painful though).
All Underrated Team
Chicken Strips- KFC
Sure KFC is known for their fried chicken but I prefer their boneless chicken strips. Easier to dip in sauce, more meat, no bones to choke on, definitely the play.
Loaded Grillers/ Chicken Quesadilla- Taco Bell
Loaded Grillers were introduced as a $.99 cent item on Taco Bell’s menu but they eventually made their way onto the permanent big league roster(although at a slightly higher cost). They are delightful, basically little tacos but instead rolled up in a tortilla. They have a chipotle chicken ranch one which is a go-to and the beefy nacho one has the crispy red chips in it to give it that extra oomph. Also, do you know anyone who gets a quesadilla from Taco Bell? Well, they are one of the best kept secrets around. Not particularly big or filling just really, really tasty.
Well, hope you enjoyed and maybe learned a valuable thing or two. Oh, and until In-N-Out puts on their big boy pants and comes to the east coast, they’ll never make the list. Good day!