Ok. I’m going to try and keep my composure for this one. I feel like a fucking widow about to give a eulogy except I’m not fighting back tears of pain and agony but tears of sweet, sweet joy instead. Also, let me warn you all right now: April fools day was over a week ago, if this is some sort of sick joke then may God or whoever/whatever you worship have mercy on your sad ass. GRATZFEED HAS BIG, SCARY GOBLINS, AND THEY WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR FRONT DOOR AND WHEN THEY LEAVE YOUR FACE WILL LOOK LIKE THE OFFSPRING OF JOAKIM NOAH AND SAM CASSELL IF THEY MATED AND REPRODUCED (sorry that was graphic) DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? Anyways, yes, Taco Bell is apparently entertaining the idea of offering a delivery service.
“The Bell’s CEO, Brian Niccol has the vision to challenge the delivery monopoly held by pizza joints for decades, he’s just got to iron out the details. Niccol told Nation’s Restaurant News about the challenges of rolling out a viable delivery service.
“Even though it’s the No. 1 request from consumers, we have to make sure we can give them an experience that’s consistent with Taco Bell. We have to figure it out, and I can tell you right now we don’t have it figured out.””
The first thing that you need to know here is that this is only in the early stages as made clear by the quote above. So get a tissue and clean up the pre-cum because this isn’t happening right just yet. But, success is measured by progress, and this is definitely solid progress. Just the fact that they acknowledged this gives the United States of America hope. It gives us a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to exist. I’m calling for an all out campaign by Americans across the nation to spread awareness of this monumental news and really advocate like hell for this to happen. Town Hall meetings, PTA meetings, AA meetings (seriously you probably wouldn’t have gotten that DUI if Taco Bell delivered am I right or am I right?), this needs to be the main priority for the rest of 2015. I’m probably going canvassing door to door until my legs fall off (or until I need a crunchwrap supreme), start thinking of how YOU are going to make a difference.
Seriously this could be a momentous public service, can you imagine how much drunk and high driving will decrease if this goes live? I’m guestimating that somewhere between 79-86% of all intoxicated driving happens because of Taco Bell, you may think “Chipotle is Bae” but nobody ruins their life trying to get a bowl with brown rice at 2 am.
As always, Gratzfeed will keep you posted with any new developments as we get them, stay tuned.
You can check out the original article right here: http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/04/taco-bell-delivery-service-leave-home